Graced by Aging

In monastery terms, I am relatively young, but actually, I’m getting up there in years. It’s an interesting experience being younger and older at the same time. I was, for example, surprised when my dental hygienist asked me were most women older when they entered the monastery. (For the record, I was 50 when I entered). I was so used to being told that I’m still young and that your 40s, 50s and 60s are the prime of life, that I was taken aback.

At some levels, I easily believe that I’m young because I’m fortunate to have a lot of energy and I don’t have any major health conditions that limit my activity. On the other hand, I notice that I need more sleep. I can, for instance, still manage to stay up really late, if necessity dictates, but whereas 20 years ago I would have carried on as normal the next day, now I’d appreciate a couple of days to laze around and recover.

I also notice that I take more intense pleasure in smaller things. It sounds a bit trite to say this, but I revel in things like spring blossoms, blue skies, fluffy white clouds and the sight of dew sparkling on the grass. I don’t have the same desire to travel that I used to have, nor to seek out the exotic and unusual. I can wonder at the smallest things right on my doorstep.

As I said, I’m pretty healthy, but I did have my first brush with major illness about a year ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was early stage and I never felt ill with it, so it seemed theoretical quite a lot of the time. However, I had two moments when it struck me forcibly that I could die of this. Reflecting on these feelings helped me to come to terms with my own mortality in a way I never had before. When I was younger, I knew intellectually that life would eventually end, but it didn’t seem real. Having cancer made death real, but in a very positive way. It was a pleasant surprise to find that I could accept fully that one day I would die and that this didn’t make me feel frightened, but simply me made me more conscious of how much I appreciate my life, the world around me and the people in my life. It helped me to live each moment more intensely in the present.

In fact, I don’t think much about my age, but I definitely feel graced by the aging process because I’m aware it helps me to live my life with a greater sense of gratitude and a deeper love for the gift of every day.

 

PLEASE NOTE: There will no blog for the next two weeks (June 14 and 21) as I will be away. See you on June 28.

 

Karen Rose, OSB                                               June 7, 2019