Murky Waters Revisited

I’m resisting the temptation to go through my 2012 blog and write a “sister” blog, each corresponding with the topics I addressed at that time. If I do that, I think I might be constrained by what I shared previously and be less honest now.

That’s not to say that I don’t remember some of the blogs and I certainly refreshed my memory by reading through them when I was thinking about writing for the anniversary. Some of the blogs were very significant to me. One that stands out was called “Murky Waters,” which addressed the nature of faith. I want to write about this again as it the bedrock of my call, indeed, any call, to monastic life.

Some people have a very clearly defined faith: It’s X, Y and Z, which means you can be sure of A, B and C. I don’t believe like that. For me, the clearest thing is that faith is not knowledge. I know that 2+2=4. There are various means to demonstrate the accuracy of this fact. My belief in God is of a different order. It’s born of experience, the experience that there is something that is both within me and beyond me that is greater than I.  I draw closer, experience God more fully, the less I think and the more I open myself up in trust to mystery and darkness and not knowing.

Trust is crucial. I have to trust my instinct that the way to God is something which I can’t describe, can’t map out, can’t explain and can’t quantify. I’m struggling right now for words to convey what I mean and I’m failing to find them because God is more than I can encompass. Paradoxically, I can only become part of that “moreness” by accepting and letting the darkness of non-understanding flood through me and fill me with the Divine Presence.

In 2012, the waters of faith were murky. They are still murky in 2019. I expect them to remain murky and that is just fine.

Sister Karen Rose, OSB                                                      January 25, 2019