It's Not About the Clothes

When I realized that I was called to monastic life, the last thing on my mind was the effect that would have on my wardrobe! That’s as it should be, so it came as quite a shock to me how strongly some people feel about what sisters wear.

I’ll give a little historical detail to begin with: When our founding sisters reached Central Minnesota in 1857, they wore a traditional habit with full veil. With few modifications, sisters wore that until the Second Vatican Council asked religious orders to go back to their roots, find the heart of their tradition and work on ways to express that authentically in the late 20^th century. It was during this period that a decision was taken to allow sisters to experiment. Some retained their habit, some modified it and, eventually, some did as St. Benedict suggests in the Rule and began to wear clothing that is from the locality. Essentially, this meant they wore ordinary clothes. By the time I entered in 2007, most sisters had given up the habit and new entrants did not have the option of adopting it.

None of this was a big deal for me. I wanted to seek God. I didn’t (and don’t) care much what I wear while I’m doing that. I don’t think God cares either. God is more concerned with what is in our hearts than with our clothes. It has, therefore, quite shocked me that, at times, people will truly attack us for not wearing a habit, as if the clothes are the only thing count. It saddens me that kindness, love for God and our neighbor and a genuine desire to seek God seem to count for nothing against what we wear.

Having said that, I would be less than honest if I didn’t confess that what I wear is a definite part of my monastic journey and the search for God. I have always liked clothes. I had a mother who dressed well and liked clothes and a father who was never backward at complimenting my mother on how she looked. Clothes mattered in my family, but more in the sense of creating an attractive atmosphere in which to live, rather than being the thing that defined you.

When I came to the monastery, I was comfortable with my own style and, happily, I didn’t need to make much adjustment in what I wear. As a sister, you obviously have to be quite modest in dress. You don’t want to look as if you are trying to attract a mate but that doesn’t mean you have to look a frumpy mess all the time! I wasn’t required to alter my style especially but I’ve found over the years that I want to. Considering occasionally what does and doesn’t feel right to wear, and why, has become part of my monastic journey.

I think my endeavors are based on trying to simplify. Over the years, I’ve noticed that I wear fewer trinkets. At one time, I often used to wear a cross. Now I don’t. I wear my profession ring and earrings but I’m noticing that the earrings are getting smaller and less noticeable. At the same time, I find I can take pleasure in seeing someone else look dressed up. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I don’t have a desire to make everyone be the same. We are individuals, making our own way to God, and some of our uniqueness shows in our clothes choices. That’s fine!

Something that really pleases me is that I think clothing is an area where I have truly become less judgmental. Living with my sisters, who display a wide range of clothing preferences, I’ve realized that love, kindness and faith are not modified in any way by the clothes you choose. That’s really freeing. I feel called to simplify many parts of my life. I feel I need to cut away distractions and “extras” in many areas, including what I wear. I accept that others sisters may not feel that need in the same way, yet God loves each of us equally.

This is how I’d sum up the clothes quandary: My clothes choices can help me in my journey toward God, but the journey isn’t dictated by the clothes.

Karen Rose, OSB                                                 February 22, 2019

Peace and Love: Part 2

“Never turn away when someone needs your love.” Rule of Benedict (Chapter 4)

There was a time in monastic life when sisters were very restricted as to how often they could visit their family, “particular friendships” within the monastery were discouraged (i.e., there were no BFFs) and sisters didn’t make friends outside the monastery. I wasn’t a sister at the time but, as I see it, there was a rationale there. It was the idea that by committing to religious life you gave up everything so that you could focus entirely on following Christ with no distractions.

However, sisters move with the times and there is a softer approach now which recognizes that, as humans, we need connections with other people; we need to love and be loved. How that’s lived out varies from monastery to monastery and how we live may look different from how it did in the past, but I think underlying our life and our approach to relationships is still the belief that Christ comes first and that expressions of love and care toward others are part of how we follow the Gospel and Benedictine path of loving.

How does that pan out in daily life? Well, we are encouraged to maintain family relationships and close friendships and it’s fine to have friends outside the monastery. However, I find that it’s quite complex to keep a balance here. For instance, major religious feasts call me to be with my community. What are we if we don’t celebrate Easter and Christmas together?  Yet it’s a real tug at the heart to be absent from people with whom I have lifelong connections and also to have to live with the knowledge that I spoiled other people’s Christmases by coming here. Yet, I truly want to be with my monastic community because these times are part of the cement that bonds us together as monastics and differentiate us from a group of women simply choosing to live together.

Another significant lesson I have learned is that there are some people, including sisters, you like and naturally feel drawn to and, actually, that’s okay. These people will be your friends, the people with whom you recreate. However, community doesn’t work if you focus solely one person. You have to be open to others and you have to care about each and every one, whether or not you see them as chums. You can be close, but you can’t be exclusive. I learned that you can’t choose who you like, but can choose to be generous with your love and at least try to include everyone.

This brings me to celibacy. Celibacy is included in the monastic promise of “fidelity to the monastic way of life.” I think this is probably something that each person handles differently. For me, the challenge is that it’s hard to give up that one-to-one relationship, the specialness of joining yourself with one other person. I love the theory of sharing my love equally with sisters, of channeling to the whole world the energy that would usually go into the one primary relationship, but it’s one of those things that sounds aspirational in theory and turns out to be very difficult in practice. I guess, though, that’s one of the points of monastic life: challenge yourself to be greater than you are, try to want what’s best for others and just keep going along the particular path you have chosen.

 

Karen Rose, OSB                                               February 8, 2019

 

Peace and Love: Part 1

“Peace and love” sounds like a hippy phrase from the 70s! However, you could say that St. Benedict had already called dibs on the concept in the 6^th century when he wrote his Rule, the small book which Benedictine monastics use to guide their daily life in community.

One of my favorite quotes from the Rule occurs in Chapter 4, “The Tools for Good Works”: “Never give a hollow greeting of peace or turn away when someone needs your love.” It encapsulates what I want to say in my blogs this week and next. Peace and love matter to every human being, but when you live in community, they take on a particular significance.

This week, I’m going to concentrate on peace. When people visit monasteries, they often comment on the sense of peace and calm. They’re right. I know that because I’ve experienced it myself when a guest in monasteries.

Never be fooled in believing that the sense of peace simply happens. It doesn’t. Somewhere in the background, there will be a band of nuns or monks working like crazy to create and maintain the peaceful atmosphere. Peace is hard work. What makes it even harder is that it can only be authentic when it’s not an illusion, but an expression of something deeper. This is where I have found it gets really challenging.

Living in a monastic community means that I live with a group of women who are all committed to seeking God through the Benedictine way. We have this in common, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have differences. Some of those are minor, like preferring red to green. Yet, even something like that can be a challenge when you live with someone who always wants things to be not quite the way you would choose. In order to be at peace, you have learn to let go sometimes, but to let go graciously, in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel diminished by your sacrifice. At the same time, you can’t just let go of everything on principle because sometimes your opinion is a valuable and necessary part of the total community wisdom. It a tricky balancing act and you have to work on it every day in order to do your part to make peace a reality.

Maintaining peace is an art and a commitment which lies at the heart of monastic life. Without peace, you can’t truly love.

Karen Rose, OSB 

The Other Side the Fence

I cannot state too emphatically how different it felt when I realized the significance of making perpetual profession. I felt very well prepared to make the lifelong monastic promises of stability, fidelity to the monastic way of life and obedience on July 11, 2012, and I was certain that this was where God was calling me in life. It came as shock to me when I realized how different it felt to have crossed the line and to be living on the other side the fence.

The first six weeks were a honeymoon. I felt elated, as if something was completed and I was stepping into the perfect life. I knew that everything wouldn’t always go my way, but I was sure those would only be blips and would simply help me to become a better person, as I sailed calmly into a deeper relationship with God.

The first cloud reached the horizon when someone causally mentioned something about “the professed sisters” and I thought, “That’s me! I’m one of them now. Forever. What have I done?” I suspect this is a feeling common to anyone who makes a big life commitment, such as getting married or having a baby. It’s certainly something that I’ve learned other monastics have experienced. It DOES NOT HELP knowing that other people feel that way. It was so intense, so personal. I’ve only got one life and this one life is the only life over which I have any control. I felt that I’d committed myself, and it wasn’t exactly that I wished I hadn’t, just that it seemed so enormous.

I have a degree in philosophy and theology. I recall doing a lot of study on the nature of promising because it is so foundational to many ethical codes. I had always believed theoretically in the importance of promising, of vowing to do something, but I was completely unprepared for how significant promising would seem when I discovered I had made forever promises, which I was now not entirely sure I wanted to keep forever.

It would be untrue to say that I have spent the years since perpetual profession in a state of perpetual unhappiness and uncertainty, but I have had distinct periods of desperately wanting to go back to my “normal” life. I’m sure I’ll be sharing some of that in future blogs. Right now, I want to stress how significant the notion of having made those promises of stability, fidelity to the monastic way of life and obedience have been in keeping me here, keeping me on the Benedictine, monastic path of seeking God.

I’ll end with a word of advice: Never promise anything if you are not absolutely certain because, even if you are certain, it is going to be a challenge to keep the promise!

Karen Rose, OSB                                                    February 1, 2019