Hearing "No!"

Obedience is one of the three monastic promises we make when we profess as sisters. We declare that we make these promises “according to the Rule of St. Benedict, the norms of the federation of St. Benedict and the living tradition of this community.” The fact that it’s a living tradition means that we don’t try to replicate living like the monks did when St. Benedict wrote his Rule in the 6th century. Our endeavor is to live the spirit of the Rule in a way that is meaningful in the 21st century. This means that we are constantly challenged to assess how obedience looks for us today.

We make all the promises freely and in the knowledge that we are willingly handing over some of our power to make decisions as individuals in favor of what we see as a greater good: becoming part of a community seeking God together.

Obedience is not simple. It is not about doing exactly as you are told, like a child. In monastic life, there is a concept of mutual obedience, which means listening to one another, tolerating ideas and views that may not be the same as your own and trying to do this in a spirit of love and openness. Ultimately, the prioress is in the position to make final decisions, but we are expected to contribute our piece of wisdom.

What happens when things don’t go the way I’d like? It’s taken me 10 years to be able to say this, but I’ve realized that it is a great gift to be able to hear, “No!” When I get a “no” to a personal request, or when a decision is made on behalf of the community with which I don’t agree, my monastic promise of obedience asks me to accept that, without grumbling, and make whatever has been decided work. If I take obedience seriously, I can’t stand aside and say, “Well, I don’t agree, so I’m not going along with that.” I’ve bound myself, under a prioress, to the spirit of the Rule, the norms by which we are governed and the living tradition of the community. I’m part of whatever is decided, for better or for worse, whether I like it or not.

You might be asking, “Where’s the gift in all this?” Well, it’s being able to hear the “no” and not be shaken by it; it’s the realization that my inner core of peace is not disturbed, for example, whether we do or do not change the use of a building. I may have a view, but getting my way isn’t central to my well-being or to my relationship with God. Like everyone, I prefer to see my views prevail or be told it’s okay to do the thing I want to do but I’m very grateful to know that I don’t have to get my own way in order to be at peace and to realize that God is there, unchanging, whatever I am asked to do and whatever the prioress and community decides.

 

Karen Rose, OSB                                                                              May 24, 2019